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Joke of the Day

"""Harry Potter"" is pretty much ""Sex And The City"" for people who will never have sex, in any city."

"I'm on hold with West Elm and they're playing a contemporary jazz song with a man saying ""aquarium"" every 4 counts. Hold music is evolving"

"They say a mind is a terrible thing to waste. You have nothing to worry about."

"A group of Germans walk into a BAR... after 20 rounds there are no survivors."

"My friend told me ""the first stage is grief"" ""Isn't it denial?"" I replied. ""No, not for me"""

"If i were a hand model, at least i could say that i've banged a model."

"Give me the best quality TV commercial I can get for $47! -Attorneys"

"This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: ""Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken."""

"Have you ever had Ethiopian food? No? Neither have they!"

"Apparently someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds Poor bastard"