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Joke of the Day

"Want followers? Tweet something funny. Can't think of anything? Tweet something honest. Can't say anything honest or funny? Try Facebook."

"I like my women like I like my coffee With K cups"

"""If ya wanna go and take a ride with me / wear your seatbelt"" - Nervous Nelly"

"Best exercise to lose a few pounds... So my friend who is a fitness instructor just came up with a new exercise to lose pounds in just a matter of days. He calls it the ""Brexit""."

"the elevator business is great It has its ups and downs"

"I overheard my wife singing in the shower. ""You should go on America's Got Talent,"" I told her. ""I can't sing,"" she replied. I said, ""Exactly."""

"*somehow manages to beep at you sarcastically*"

"Who was Mako Mori's existentialist monk brother? Memento."

"*go to shake hands with All-Knowing Oracle* *just stares at me* *realize he knows I didn't wash my hands after using the bathroom earlier*"

"What do you call a banana you have a crush on A baenana"