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Joke of the Day

"What did the angry dough ball say to the other dough ball? You trying to get a rise out of me! Came up with while I was making pizza."

"No one shows their true character more than when they are retrieving their bags from baggage claim"

"I'm not saying you're a jackass but... You're the kind of guy who would buy Anne Frank a drum set."

"Everything doesn't ""happen for a reason."" The universe is not aware of your existence. Stop being arrogant."

"my uber driver said today, ""I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..."" Then I said, ""Turn left"""

"The only thing between me & a killing spree is the fact that I'd have to poop in front of people in prison."

"What's the worst swear word to a tv exec? Godhole."

"What's red, 6 inches long and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her. Her miscarriage."

"[wife looking at pictures of my dead body with police] ""why isn't he wearing a shirt"" we believe he removed it when he challenged the coyote"

"People say, ""why buy the cow, if you get the milk for free?"" But I don't see anyone buying a car with out a test drive."