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Joke of the Day

"How do you make a dog sound like a cat? You freeze it, put it on a bandsaw and cut it; ""Meoooow""."

"""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" mean the same thing... except when you're at a funeral."

"How many Millennials does it take... to screw in a lightbulb? None. Their parents will do it for them."

"""How often do you floss?"" Every day ""How often do you lie?"" Every six months"

"[Dark humor] What do you call a not-hungry ethiopian? Dead."

"1. Get tipsy. 2. Go into a tanning bed. 3. Pretend you're a panini."

"Why are Reebok Pumps shoes so expensive? Inflation."

"Pretty cool how the universe lets me know I'll be bumping into my ex by making me spill coffee on my shirt."

"How do you get a clown to stop smiling? Hit him in the face with an axe"

"Did you hear about the baby that was born in a high tech. hospital? It came out cordless!"