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Joke of the Day

"What did the sheep say to the sheepdog faking deafness? ""You herd me!"""

"Why do seagulls only fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they'd be called Baygulls."

"I thought I would have to kill my bitch of a wife, but then she suffocated on saran wrap. I was so Glad."

"Uniformed personnel walk a fine line between being ignorant and being out of shape. Add a letter and they're uninformed. Take one away and they're unformed."

"Why do frat bros hate fruit loops? They're eternally disappointed by two-can Sam."

"I saw a guy cut a curvy path through a corn field... It was a-ma(i)zing."

"My girlfriend is a midget and I'm nuts over her"

"College graduates, did you know there are people that went to Princeton that can't find a job? And you just went to a normal shitty school."

"A missionary noticed a particularly happy cannibal Missionary: Joe, you look unusually cheery today. CannibalJoe: Today wife gave me head"

"""You won't like me when I take my estrogen pill."" -Bruce Jenner"