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Joke of the Day

"I'm at my creepiest when I see a drunk chick crying outside of a bar and just think 'bingo"

"What kind of underwear do the GI Joes wear? None, they go commando."

"[back from the ultrasound] MOTHER-IN-LAW: So did you see the fetus? ME: Fetus, handus, legus...there was practically a whole baby in there!"

"I used to do drugs... ...I still do, but I used to, too."

"I went to my friend's new flat on the weekend for a party. He should have gotten something more 3 dimensional."

"At what age are musicians the loudest? Forte"

"What do you tell a girl with 2 black eyes? NSFW Nothing! You already told that bitch twice."

"Maybe Taylor Swfit dates Justin Bieber and John Mayer dates Selena Gomez and it's like matter/anti-matter and they all explode?"

"What's black, white, and red all over? The bludgeoned face of a bi racial man in 2017 america."

"Eat food with the fridge open in front of the other food to establish dominance as well as prepare for the next feeding."