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Joke of the Day

"why do we only eat some of the animals I'm looking at you manatees keep being fat your day will come"

"Me: Got your nose! Baby: *drags from cig* Let me tell you how this is going down. You give me back my nose & maybe I let u walk out of here."

"Which country's capital apologises for its religion? Islamabad."

"I haven't got a Twitter account, so I just carry around a megaphone to announce what I'm doing at random times. So far I've got 3 followers but I think 2 are cops."

"My friend told me that my herb garden looks like a mullet. I keep the basil in the front and the parsley in the back."

"How come lesbians can't be vegan? They all eat pussy."

"I farted on the bus today and four people turned around I felt like I was on the voice."

"Why did the fashion show lose it's attendance? my friend thought it was a strip club. (I'm not good at this, pls don't be harsh)"

"Official Pirate Week! 19/5-25/5 It seems as if we're doing pirates, so we might as well have an official pirate week. Normal jokes are ok, but also lots of Pirate themed ones. Arrrbitrary Piratejokes!"

"I've always wondered why people love jokes about giant air conditioners... I'm not a big fan..."