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Joke of the Day

"Official Pirate Week! 19/5-25/5 It seems as if we're doing pirates, so we might as well have an official pirate week. Normal jokes are ok, but also lots of Pirate themed ones. Arrrbitrary Piratejokes!"

"Patient: Hey that tooth you pulled wasn't the one I wanted pulled. Dentist: Relax I'm coming to it."

"me: good morning, Linda Linda, my co-worker who backpacked through Europe: Not as nice as the sunrises you can see looking out from Venice"

"Why was the cow scared about going into the slaughter house? His life was at stake. Badum psh."

"What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist? You can negotiate with the terrorist."

"Everyone talks about how May 4th is 100% hands down the best Star Wars holiday ever.... But only a fifth May deal in absolutes.."

"Ben Franklin ties a key to a kite, and he's a hero. I duct tape a kitten to a stop sign, and I'm an asshole? Really, History?"

"why are dubstep artists so bad at fishing? They always drop the bass"

"Caveman1: look, I invent wheel Caveman2: what we do now? Caveman1: wait for Jesus to take wheel Caveman2: dum dum Jesus not invented yet"

"Autocorrect is like being drunk: You only realise what it did after you have left a bad impression."