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Joke of the Day

"For real now, how many animals can you fit into one single pair of panty hose 2 calves, an ass, a beaver, an assload of hares, 1 cameltoe and 1 fish Noone can find"

"A pirate walks into a bar with paper towel on his head. The bartender says, ""Hey, do you realize you have paper towel on your head?"" The pirate replies, ""Arrrg, I have a bounty on my head."""

"Lesbian Vampires What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? See you next month! Credit : /u/andrej88"

"I don't understand how Elvis got so fat He ate nothing but a hound dog"

"Why isn't Barney the Dinosaur allowed to drive? Because everybody knows -- tyrannosaurus wrecks."

"Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them."

"No one wants to talk about Dracula's defining quality, turning into thousands of bats to avoid human contact."

"To catch chlamydia, you have to think like chlamydia."

"INSTRUCTIONS FOR FITTED SHEETS: 1) Know when to hold em. 2) Know when to fold em. 3) Know when to walk away. 4) Know when to run."

"*knock knock* Who's there? To. To who? To *whom*."