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Joke of the Day

"eer booze and fun!' 'I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double. The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me."

"Do you know what the white stuff in bird poop is? More bird poop."

"Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be"

"[aquarium] *penguin strapped on my back* Ma'am, is that a penguin on your back? No, it's just a backpack. Oh, WHAT'S IN IT?! um, fish"

"[date gets back from the bathroom] those batman toys in the tub are so cute! How old are your kids? ""kids?"""

"What's the difference between John Kenndy Jr. and Ted Kennedy? Ted can swim away from an accident."

"My wife wanted to spice up our sex life. So she asks me if I wanna have a threesome. I said, ""Sweetie. If I ever have sex with two women at the same time..... neither one is gonna be you."""

"FBI responds to increased number of botched investigations resulting in civilian casualties By adding a new definition for ""botched"" to urban dictionary; successful"

"Knock knock. Who's there? Yes ! Who is there! HortonHearsA Who !"

"Why didn't the white officer shoot the black guy? Just kidding he did"