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Joke of the Day

"Why do gametes often choose a life of prostitution? because sex cells."

"[wife gets home] did you feed the baby his spinach today? [me doing push ups] hell no I'm not letting that baby get stronger than me"

"My 12 yr. old girl is having a sleepover tonight. She told me, ""DO NOT EMBARRASS ME!"" I'm considering twerking to Ace of Base later."

"Jill: Have you read the Bible? Jack: No I'm waiting for the film to come round."

"The stock broker said to his mistress I'm going to put everything I've got into rubber, and if it comes off I'll marry you."

"Solitary Theoretical Physicist Proves Solipsistic Reality... Unfortunately, he won't publish his research because he doesn't trust peer review."

"[dentist chair] how's school? *I start talking, dentist notices his hand isn't in my mouth* oh sorry *puts hand in my mouth* how's school?"

"Did you hear about the group of people who stole a dozen boxes of Viagra? Police are looking for hardened criminals."

"I was at a gay nineties party last night. All the men were gay and all the women were ninety."

"Why are French overweight homosexuals always tired? Because they are fatty gay"