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Joke of the Day

"you never gotta worry about me cheating on you... i might eat something that was yours but thats about it"

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? Nothing. They're both on Reddit EVERY FUCKING DAY."

"[judge at restaurant] ""I will try... the lobster"" [2 hours later] ""I find the lobster guilty of money laundering and embezzlement"""

"Did you hear the one about the Chinese Godfather? He made him an offer he couldn't understand."

"My friend asked me if I ever missed the idea of being in the womb. I said ""The only thing I'd miss was my umbilical cord....."" I was very attached to it."

"I'm allergic to alcohol... Every time I drink it, I break out in handcuffs..."

"My trainer told me she's sick of me pretending to be a detective. I hit her with a Thunderbolt and locked her in her own Pokeball."

"I'm not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them."

"Dad Jokes Who can make a good dad joke?"

"Why shouldn't we talk about Catholic Priests? It's a touchy subject."