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Joke of the Day

"The next time someone says ""expect the unexpected,"" I'm going to punch them in the nose and ask if they expected that."

"I don't understand why subway has to train their employees. We do that for them everytime we order & tell them EXACTLY how to make a sub."

"Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers? A. They're hard to get started they emit noxious odours and half the time they don't work."

"Intensive care toddler One of the toddlers on the Intensive Care Unit is playing with a toy donkey. ICU baby, shaking that ass..."

"I joked at school drop off that the white stuff on my kid was powdered sugar, not cocaine, but I took it too far by rubbing some on my gums."

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean."

"How am I supposed to show a girl I like her, if I can't even make her a mix tape anymore?"

"A young boy asks his Dad :""What is the difference between confident and confidential? Dad says: ""You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, THAT is confidential."

"What's the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut sleeps with everybody. A bitch sleeps with everybody but you."

"What's better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics? Not being retarded."