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Joke of the Day

"A woman who has no idea how hot she is, is so hot."

"God gave me a choice when I was born: a good memory or a big dick. I don't remember which one I chose."

"[Signing waiver for the show Cops] No no, you don't have to blur my face but how about a sweet mustache?"

"What do you call two gay Irishmen? Michael Fitzpatrick...and Patrick Fitzmichael"

"""What are you doing today?"" ""Nothing."" ""That's what you did yesterday."" ""I'm not done yet."""

"I'm pretty sure I'm going to die without knowing what 95% of a scientific calculator is used for."

"Why did the local university invite a foreign chemist? Florine talent."

"To tell you the truth, beginning a sentence with ""To tell you the truth"" throws into question all else you've previous said."

"I put my baby on the baby changing station in the bathroom and when I was done, it was the same baby. :-("

"Pac-Man is a good metaphor for life because the goal is to eat all the pellets in a level. There is also fruit & ghosts, just like in life"