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Joke of the Day

"How a phone recall works. Samsung: Send us your exploding phone. Microsoft/Nokia: A software update will fix that. Apple: You are using it wrong."

"My wife and I used to practice safe sex. Unfortunately they won't let us back in the bank."

"Unraveling iPod earbuds in less than 10 minutes qualifies you to perform surgery in most 3rd world countries."

"Arnold Schwarzenegger just announced he's giving up the limelight to go back to his first love, pest control. He's an ex-terminator now."

"What do you call a nun that sleep walks? A roamin' catholic"

"I spend most of my time waiting for the next big thing to hate."

"I went to an ATM... I was at an ATM this morning and this older lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over."

"Who makes more money a drug dealer or a prostitute? A prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack."

"Sporty I bought my wife fumarate. Now during sex moans as Sharapova."

"I needed to clean my FleshLight, i heard they were dishwasher safe. But that would Just ruin the load."