102522

Joke of the Day

"A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar... ...and they have a good time because because they're not fucking assholes."

"Did you hear about that synthetic type of weed they made using dog hair? Instead of k2, they call it k9."

"I phoned in sick today ""Exactly how sick are you?"" ""Well, I'm in bed with my 12 year old niece."""

"Twitter's ""suggestions for you"" should include the basics, too, like ""get more sleep"" and ""have you responded to that email from your mom?"""

"Being sick sucks. I've laid in bed for days, ate nothing, lost 4 pounds, didn't go to work and slept nonstop. Wait. Being sick is AWESOME!"

"Guess what I'm going to do if I get Alzheimer's?"

"The number one piece of advice I could give to fish is to stay hydrated."

"I'm holding a charity night for people that can't reach orgasm. If you can't come let me know."

"Where do country music artists become country music greats? The obituaries"

"Friend showed me all the pics taken from the drone he got for Christmas, so I won't be renting the cottage on their farm after all."