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Joke of the Day

"Librarian: can I check you out? Me: sure [spins around] Librarian: I meant your book Me: oh yea, that makes way more sense"

"I don't know which child you think I don't treat correctly... Jake, Thomas or the fat ugly one?"

"What baked treat shares its name with a gynaecological apparatus? Flapjacks."

"What does SAG-AFTRA call a low-budget foreign production? Scrub-a-dub-dub."

"What's in a tweet? That which you call your bowel movement, by any other tweet is still an odious hot mess."

"I don't always tell Dad jokes, but when I do, he tells me to get my fucking life together and stop being a disappointment."

"Why do girls who use Tumblr work so many odd jobs? Because they literally can't even."

"How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her like an alter boy."

"Bing is a fast search engine because you're the only person using it."

"Some worlds just want to watch the men burn Like hell, and the sun."