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Joke of the Day

"Librarian: can I check you out? Me: sure [spins around] Librarian: I meant your book Me: oh yea, that makes way more sense"

"I uploaded a video about viruses on YouTube.. It went viral 8D"

"What are 5 ""Ms"" from Detroit? GM, Eminem and Michael Moore."

"Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them."

"I was playing Katawashoujo http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katawa_Shoujo There is an option to 'Disable sex Scenes' So... do I gain more sex scenes? They're already disabled."

"Why do the Lannisters have such big beds? They pushed two twins together to make a king."

"I like to skip my digestive system and just place my Chipotle burrito directly into my toilet."

"What does your wife/girlfriend want more than anything in the world? Nothing, she's fine."

"Me: How awful do I look? Him: You always look beautiful. Me: Do I need to put makeup on? Him: Maybe just a... *stare* Him: No."

"I work in the meat department and a customer asks me what is the difference between the Halal chicken and the regular chicken. I said ""Regular chicken lays eggs. Halal chicken lays hand grenades."""