10242

Joke of the Day

"I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted, ""Oi, what's your disability?"" I said, ""Tourettes! Now fuck off you c*nt!"""

"Why are archaeologists the most polite kind of necrophiliac? They'll date you before they fuck you."

"eer booze and fun!' 'A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman ""Can I have a drink for me and one for the road?"""

"How much for the sentient racist skeleton? ""Sir, that's Ann Coulter..."""

"Heard about the baby seal who walked into a club? ba doom doom cha!"

"Have you seen the new documentary about white trash? I've only seen the trailer."

"Forget Beniffer & Brangelina! The new power couple in Hollywood is Peeta & Katniss from The Hunger Games! Or Peeniss for short."

"What does a push up bra and a dictatorship have in common? They both oppress those on the inside. They both lie to those on the outside. And they both raise monuments to the fallen."

"twitter getting rid of the 140-character limit is a bad idea. the ability to say what you need to say in as few words as possible is (1/533)"

"How is a marriage similar to a deck of cards? Starting off with 2 hearts and a diamond seems great but by the end all you want is a club and a spade."