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Joke of the Day

"how to tell your girl shes getting fat (actual convo on valentines day with my girl) me-i love fruit, her-i love chips, me- you better start to love fruit or youl love handles"

"ACTORS: It's easy to appear blind. Look near but never at someone when you talk to them, and if anyone says ""Did you see that?"" say ""Nope""."

"There's a lot of lame holocaust jokes on this thread... Anne frankly, I'm getting sick and tired of them."

"Costco is a great place to go if you want to shop for 15 minutes and then stand in line and judge people for an hour."

"Interviewer: What would you say is your greatest strength? Me: Definitely my insecurities. Very strong."

"Relationships are like algebra. Do you ever look at your x and wonder y?"

"A towel walks into a bar... He orders a drink, and says ""I'll have it dry."""

"How can you tell if an elephant's been to your birthday party? Look for his footprints in the ice cream."

"Next time someone says ""Thanks!"" reply: ""You're welx!"". It's a cool new abbreviation I made up you can use. Make sure to attribute it to me."

"What did the pirate with a steering wheel in his pants say when he couldn't remember why it was there? Arrrh, it's driving me nuts"