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Joke of the Day

"CALL AN AMBULANCE!? NO WAY! that old lady is DEFINITELY unconscious. here, go start my car. I'm gonna go wipe the prints off our frisbee."

"Batman Pros: Intelligence, strategist, master fighter, money, Shit shaped like bats, Alfred Cons: Robin"

"Why didn't Hitler participate in the marathon? ... Because he can't finish a race."

"If we weren't able to stop Bieber Fever I seriously doubt America can stop an Ebola epidemic."

"Microsoft used to make fleshlights then they halted production because everyone kept getting viruses."

"If you held a gun to my head and forced me to choose Tobey Maguire's Spider-Man or Andrew Garfield's, I'd probably shit my pants."

"Selfie Stick - Picture taking device used when the internet has made you so socially awkward you can't ask a stranger to take a pic for you"

"My boss kept saying he's dating himself. I told him he could do better."

"Why did the genie turn the man into a toad? He rubbed him the wrong way."

"I got my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday. I know it's not the greatest gift in the world, but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it."