101935

Joke of the Day

"[First date] okay just dont let her know you're a trump supporter Her: so what kinda wine should I get Me: haha white is always the best"

"Instead of a tweet up, I think all the twitter crushes should get together for a weekend in the mountains You know... A Couples Retweet"

"In the divorce court today an 85-year old farmer divorced his 17-year old wife, claiming he could not keep his hands off her. He has since fired all of his hands and bought a combine harvester."

"What do you call it when a turtle beats a rabbit in a race? Aesop story."

"My girlfriend said that she'd break up with me if I kerp on making cheesy puns Its okay some things just are'nt ment to brie"

"A world without women would be a pain in the ass."

"I can't believe I just stopped a girl from being rapped. I got tired and stopped chasing her."

"People say size doesn't matter... But I'd like her better if she didn't have a dick at all."

"What can you say to your trainer that will compliment then on your progress and also be wildly inappropriate? You make me hard"

"only 10 to live Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""