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Joke of the Day

"Why don't blind people like to skydive? Because it scares the dog."

"What do you call a penis with stamps on it? Male. Of course, if you have to sign for it, it's a package."

"The main reason I tell my daughter that beauty is on the inside is because I'm in charge of her ponytail in the mornings."

"Why is a Boston painting school so special? Because everyone there is ahtistic."

"I'm planning on opening a combined cocktail bar and waxing salon. I'm going to call it ""Gin and Bare It""."

"The worst part about getting kidnapped would be when the news told everyone your real height and weight."

"Why didn't they just call the Selfie Stick a NarcissiStick?"

"What happens when you steamroll Batman and Robin? They become flatman and ribbon."

"Why couldn't the physicist get the Standard Model to work? Because it wouldn't commute!"

"*sniffs date's hair* [later on in ambulance] ""no, it's my fault for not mentioning I'm allergic to japanese cherry blossoms"""