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Joke of the Day

"[knock at door] Cop: open up, it's the police Me [doing an Estonian accent]: I'm not here Cop: are you in Estonia? Me: I am. I'm in Estonia"

"""OH MY SWEET GOD BE CAREFUL. OH- OH MY DEAr LORD GOD. HOW? HOW??"" -me watching gymnastics"

"My favorite deleted scene from Lord of the Rings is when Bilbo & Frodo discover they have a long lost hipster cousin called Douche Baggins."

"Did you guys hear about Freddie Mercury's bedroom furniture store? Nothing Really Mattress. They only sell queen size."

"There are two hats on a hanger... The broken one says to the other: ""You go on a head..."""

"Gonna start a gym called ""Resolutions"". For the first two weeks of January it's a gym. The rest of the year it becomes a bar."

"Allow me to brighten your day :) http://imgur.com/gallery/6QOgr"

"Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? A: Got stuck in a trap chewed off three legs and was still stuck."

"Why don't chickens like people ? They beat eggs !"

"How did the domestic goods feel when they were being shipped overseas? Tarrif-ied."