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Joke of the Day

"Kim Jong Un is 30, runs a dictatorship, executes ex-girlfriends, and openly threatens to annihilate the US. What am I doing with MY life?"

"Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? They Lactose."

"What kind of noise annoys an oyster? A noisey noise annoys an oyster!"

"9: Have you seen my harmonica? [flashback to me smashing it with a hammer] me: Did you look under your bed?"

"(I get an amber alert for a missing child) OK its my time to shine (I get in my car and back out without looking and instantly hit the kid)"

"what's the difference between time and ronaldo? time passes"

"Two guys walk into a bar One guy says, 'I'd like some H2O.' The other guy says, 'I'd like some H2O, too.' The second guy died. The bartender is a chemist."

"And how did you find your steak sir? Well quite accidentally. I moved this tomato slice and there it was"

"Ten years ive been looking for a play on words to impress my friends.. No pun in ten did."

"DID YOU KNOW: The average Apple worker works 16 hours longer than the average Apple battery."