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Joke of the Day

"What's does America and programming have in common? When you fix one problem, 38 more problems pop up."

"People are like songs.... some speak the truth and some just make sound."

"How does Moses make tea He brews it.."

"Mirror mirror on the wall, am I the fairest of them all? No, but you've got an amazing ass!"

"People in wheelchairs just don't get humor. They never know when you're pulling their leg."

"*Opening presents 1986: Please be a crossbow! Please be a crossbow! 2016: Please be a crossbow! Please be a crossbow!"

"Legally, you don't actually have to ever stop screaming."

"Me: *Sweeping* Wife: Excuse me Me: *Slams broom on floor* YOU SHALL NOT PASS Wife: ... Me: That's from lord of Wife: MOVE! Me: *Moves*"

"I get sad around the holidays because they always remind me of how much weight I'll be gaining."

"What's the opposite of the word uncle-off-her? It's an aunt-*on*-him."