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Joke of the Day

"Good cop: you two could go away for six years each for this Add cop: for a total of twelve years between you"

"Q: Why does the secret service guard Hillary so closely? A: Because if something happens to her Bill becomes President!"

"Scratches and dents on the doors of your car are the side effects of bad driving."

"My wife drove us into town today, she parked up in a sidestreet. I said, ""I'll get a taxi from here."" ""Where to?"" She replied. ""To the f*cking kerb."""

"How much space is needed for fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible."

"If your an American before you go in the bathroom and your an American when you come out, what are you when you are in the bathroom? European"

"Why did the spud lover set his alarm for 8:00? Because he wanted to get a-po-ta-to clock. **EDITED** to make joke more apparent"

"Shia Labeouf got rejected for a job he applied for... During a practice run he caused negative results. Apparently he wasn't what the suicide hotline was looking for."

"My friends and I are working on this mixed drink idea It's pretty simple just 2 parts water and 1 part ketamine. We call it the Cosbypolitan."

"Why should you wrap a gerbil in duct tape? (NSFW) So it doesn't burst when you fuck it."