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Joke of the Day

"I was offered a job building Egyptian tombs Turned out to be a pyramid scheme"

"If I ever met an exact duplicate of myself I wouldn't hang out with him. I'm too cool for that fucking nerd"

"Marry someone who loves Hawaiian pizza so you can just get your own good tasting pizza all to yourself."

"What do you call a man who cuts down trees? A tree feller."

"You can now buy candy unwrapped and avoid any effort at all to eat it. USA! USA!"

"Does the baby have access to my ribs? It feels like they're bars and she's an old timey prisoner with a tin mug"

"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down."

"Star trek predicting future technology? How do we know apple won't be around long? Because Captain Picard uses an android."

"What do you say to pasta that gets thrown out? Hasta la pasta baby."

"What did Tarzan shout when he saw the elephants coming up over thehill while wearing sunglasses? Nothing. He did not recognize them."