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Joke of the Day

"I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That's it. No more reading!"

"Me: ""Get me a newspaper.""Friend: ""Don't be silly. Here. Borrow my iPad."" Poor spider never knew what hit it."

"What would Chrysler's version of the Ford Focus be called? Chrysler Concentrate"

"My fairy godmother asked me ""Do you want a long penis or a long memory?"" I don't remember my answer"

"I bet if I could see into the future, I would use that power to watch a lot more TV."

"I refuse to work with compost It's degrading"

"Sarcasm is like hitting someone in the face with a bat, but with words."

"How did Frankenstein's monster eat his lunch? He bolted it down."

"What did one suicide bomber say to the next? Nothing, he just waved. #punchlinesthatdontwork"

"What does Canadian Fonzie say? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, Eh?"