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Joke of the Day

"Dildos are like Pokemon cards... No matter how good your collection, it isn't worth anything if you got them sticky."

"""I got it! Let's have a princess trapped by a gorilla who throws barrels at a plumber! Wow these drugs are great!"" - Donkey Kong creators"

"What does robbing a Scotsman get you? Kilt"

"(fully aware that i am always more tired after a nap than i was before) this time will be different"

"What does a dyslexic,agnostic and insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night thinking if there really is a dog"

"A few years ago, Katy Perry came up to me at a party and whispered, ""I want you to pound my little asshole."" ""You're on."" I narrowed my eyes, ""Is he here?"""

"[phone call with ex] Me: you want to hang out tonight? Ex: sure. When & where? Me: no, we're not going. It's enough just to know you would."

"What is the difference between Spain and edge of table Cup stays longer on edge of table"

"I recently started my new job at the zoo circumcizing elephants... The pay isn't great, but the tips are huge."

"Elderly woman ahead of me at Subway is paying for her lunch with nickels and now I don't even give a shit about health care reform."