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Joke of the Day

"I have decided to leave my past behind me, so if I owe you money... I'm sorry, but I've moved on, and maybe it's time that you do too."

"Why don't blind people skydive? It scares the shit out of the dog."

"I got fired from my job at the Orange Juice factory They said I couldn't concentrate"

"So I'm at the bank today, and the attractive female teller was flirting with me and stuff which was weird considering she could see my account balance."

"Two reposters are in a plane crush. Who survives? Reddit"

"My girlfriend is like the square root of -100 A solid 10, but imaginary"

"What do you call a comic book hero that is constantly hooked on having sex with female superheroes? A heroine addict."

"Show up late for a meeting and say, ""Sorry, I have the WORST hangover."" Then, whip out a copy of ""The Hangover Part 2"" and laugh and laugh."

"What is the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it."

"[Job Interview] Boss: What is your best trait? Me: Procrastination. B: How is that a positive? M: I'll give you my reasons. Later."