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Joke of the Day

"Dying husband asks his wife: Our 7th son always looked different from the other 6, did he have a different father?"" Wife (crying): Yes! Husband: Who? Wife: You! Husband Dies."

"I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze."

"Hmmm,,,, Tell me more about this ""victim"" role you play due to the circumstances that you've created for yourself."

"STEWARDESS: omg the plane's about to crash but the SOS message can only be 140 characters! what are we going to do?? ME: *slowly stands up*"

"Two atoms are in a bar One says to another: ""I think I've lost an electron today."" The other one replies "" are you sure?"" ""I'm positive!"""

"What do you call a woman with big tits who doesn't make sandwiches? A compromise."

"I got pulled over today for going 112 mph in a 55 mph zone. The police officer said ""I've been waiting for someone like you all day."" I promptly replied ""Well I got here as fast as I could!"""

"What did the leper tell the prostitute? [Keep the tip!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0PIdWdw15U)"

"Not all math puns are bad Just sum"

"What kind of undergarments do mermaids wear? An algebra"