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Joke of the Day

"STEWARDESS: omg the plane's about to crash but the SOS message can only be 140 characters! what are we going to do?? ME: *slowly stands up*"

"My neighbor Ron is mad at me just because my book 'The Many Lawn Care Mistakes of My Neighbor Ron' is a hit with both critics and readers."

"A Scottish man walks store... He asked for 15 litres of the best whiskey the clerk has. ""Did you bring a container for this?"" The clerk asks. ""You're speaking to it."""

"Neat how we spend so much time and money on the war against pot but there are people driving around with eyelashes and antlers on their cars"

"what if spiderman shot spaghetti out of his wrists instead of webbing and worked at the olive garden"

"I like my hippies like I like my Karma. High."

"Took nephew out for lunch. The waitress asked what he'd like. After a stunned silence, I explained 'quiche' was not pronounced 'quickie'."

"What do Mexican parents and good reddit comments have in common? They have lots of children."

"The toy inside my McDonald's Apathy Meal is just a lump of gray plastic and an instruction sheet that says ""Whatever. This job sucks."""

"How come Landscapers have huge loads? They are always edging."