101148

Joke of the Day

"Age 15: I wanna live in a mansion Age 25: Ok a big house, in a nice neighborhood Age 35: *googles 'Best Months to Live Outside'*"

"Could you buy me something cheap for lunch, please? Sure thing, how about the gluten? It's free"

"My 4 year told me my tummy looks soft and squishy today, so I put her barbies on the highest shelf on the house."

"What do you call a team of Slavic supervillains? A Suicide Squat"

"I want to make a series about the murder of an airline crew but I still have to shoot the pilot."

"Kanye West tweeted that Bill Cosby is innocent? This is the last straw. He just lost my vote in 2020."

"My shy father was killed by a falling piano. His funeral was very low key."

"How does Hitler tie his shoes? In little knotsies!"

"I asked for a chemistry joke, and he responded with this. [x-post from r/dadjokes] What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer? The taste."

"What is grey and comes in quarts? an elephant."