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Joke of the Day

"Fruits Joke Apple: I look like a Human Heart --- Mango: I look like a Stomach --- Grapes: I look like Eyes --- Banana: I Hate This Game"

"Books all over the floor..... but I have only my shelf to blame."

"*gives ex wife's next door neighbour a drum kit for Christmas*"

"I hired a nanny to watch my kids. Little did she know they were just two sacks of potatoes. When I got home I accused her of witchcraft."

"I just referred to tongs as 'food tweezers' in case you want to be in awe of my command of the English language."

"In hell all the ball pits are filled with legos."

"I went to the library. I said,""Can I borrow a book about suicide?"" The guy said,""We did have one, but we never got it back."""

"When I see someone's name trending on twitter, I used to be afraid they died. Now I'm afraid they're a Republican presidential candidate."

"Groucho Marx once said: Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read."

"I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live... I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live. I shot him and the judge gave me 30 years."