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Joke of the Day

"Tell me more about how awful dubstep is, generation that celebrated disco."

"Why did the farmer get an award? Because he was outstanding in his field."

"Not a gardener per se.... but I've been known to use hoes occasionally."

"[couples therapy] Mrs: he's too handsy, always touching me all over... Mr: [who is an octopus] I CANT HELP IT LINDA IM LIKE 90% HANDS..."

"What does an Alzheimer's patient say whenever they browse /r/funny? ""Hey, this looks new!"""

"What gave Hitler a heart attack? Seeing his gas bill"

"""It's going to be amazing!"" No, it's not."

"My mate was freaking out today, crying and all. He had no idea how he was going to become the fruit farmer he'd always dreamed of being. I told him to grow a pear."

"instagram me like one of your drunk girls"

"Her: You should drink in moderation Me: Moderation?You makin words up? H: You're gonna piss on my lawn again aren't you? M: ...In moderation"