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Joke of the Day
"What's George Washington's favorite song. Doesn't matter, just as long as it's royalty-free."
Next Joke
"I never wish death upon anybody who wrongs me. I wish sudden, explosive diarrhea while on a date Much more satisfying."
"""Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain."" - me, peeping at you in the shower"
"When a lady leaves an article of clothing at my place, I do the gentlemanly thing and put it on and parade around the house looking pretty."
"Clearly, there was once a dangerous alternative to Safeway."
"Did you hear about the Homeopath who forgot to take his medication? He died of overdose"
"I tried wrapping Christmas presents.. But I just didn't have the gift"
"Do you think horses feel remorse? They have such long faces."
"So i had my first child... * Me: Oh my god! what are you doing?? * Doctor: What? im suppose to slap her in the ass after the birth, no? * Me: You suppose to slap the baby!!"
"Why do gay men get so much hate? Because sometimes, they're fucking assholes."