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Joke of the Day

"I'm a responsible adult Last night I had a salad for dinner. It was a fruit salad and had grapes. Lots of grapes. It was all grapes. It was wine"

"Abortion is a difficult topic for me... On one hand, I support it because it kills children, on the other, I don't because it gives woman a choice."

"Interviewer: Name some of your weaknesses. Me: I procrastinate. Haphazard, cantankerous... Interviewer: Strengths? Me: Vocabulary?"

"Casual, but fun. Casual butt fun. That extra ""t"" can ruin your night."

"I opened what I thought was a can of whoop-ass, but it turned out to be Whoomp! And there it is, all over my floor."

"""Dad can you write in the dark?"" ""I think so. What is it you want me to write?"" ""Your name on this report card."""

"I just found I'm asexual... I'm just looking for A person to be sexual with"

"If I could make puppies and kittens magically appear, people would call me ""The Wizard of Awwws""."

"Sorry I picked up your pug and ran him in for a touchdown."

"Rabbits in a row. What do you get when 100 rabbits stand in a row and 99 take a step back? A receding hare line."