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Joke of the Day

"I opened what I thought was a can of whoop-ass, but it turned out to be Whoomp! And there it is, all over my floor."

"Where are you when you're eating an Eggo on the beach and you drop it in the sand? San Diego (thought of this myself, it's better spoken)"

"What happened to Wendy from Wendy's? ""The Baconator"""

"Dear Airlines, We never really turn the phones off. Signed, Everyone"

"""What does the fox say?"" Whatever the Rupert Murdoch tells it to."

"Where do famous snakes go? Down in hisssstory!"

"How do you greet an overweight Micronesian when you're trying to sound cool? Microsoft Word."

"I can help anyone quit smoking by spraying them with hair spray as they light their cigarette."

"Who granted the fish's wish? Fairy codmother"

"If I had a pound for every time i misunderstood an expression... I'd way a fucking ton!"