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Joke of the Day

"My ex-girlfriend used to have this strange fetish... She used to enjoy being strangled until she turned blue in the face. It's too bad that I am colorblind."

"what did my sperm get for easter? an egg hunt!"

"What's the only part of a vegetable you can't eat? The wheelchair..."

"I'm on a whiskey diet... I've lost three days already."

"*slips the attendant $20* ""make sure you pick me out a good one"" Sir this is a daycare... ""uh huh *winks* a daycare"""

"If it wasn't for the random passerby with the horrific deformity, I wouldn't know nearly as much about what the top of my shoes looked like."

"I feel a spree coming on. It's either shopping or killing, I haven't decided yet."

"An optimist believes that we live in the best world. A pessimist is afraid that it might be true."

"Look out man! You know the difference between driving in the fog and 69ing is? You can't see the asshole in front of you driving in the fog."

"In the street today, an unattractive woman asked for my number, so I gave her a fake. Still feel a bit guilty, as I'd just totaled her car."