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Joke of the Day

"Grandpa Joe's all, I'm gonna just stay in bed for twenty years. Wait, a CHOCOLATE FACTORY? jkjk I can walk! He's my kinda people."

"I love spending my Sundays sat watching the F1. My girlfriend thinks I'm going fucking mental though, just sitting there staring at the top left of my keyboard for severalhours at a time."

"Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus."

"The check engine light could be more specific...is it 'holy shit stop the car right now' or 'proceed with caution for the next 6000 miles'?"

"What's worse than fighting an uphill battle? Getting to the top and realizing it's all downhill from there."

"Just found out you can eat a big turkey dinner whenever you want without having to be thankful. This changes everything."

"What do you call a leper in a hot tub? Stew!"

"I found a hole in my trainer that's big enough to put my finger through. One formal complaint from her, and I'm now banned from the gym."

"Me watching the Olympics: oh wow, that was impressive! announcer: ANOTHER DISASTROUS MISTAKE!"

"I like my women how I like my fish, battered I thought it up in science, so I hope it is a new joke(hopefully) :)"