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Joke of the Day

"Every restroom says gentleman on it...since I'm a degenerate asshole I've been pissing in the trash cans outsidee them."

"Alzheimer's Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you that you have cancer and Alzheimer's disease. Geezer: Well at least I don't have cancer."

"I've heard that pineapple juice makes your semen taste better, so I decided to try it. The semen tasted better, but the juice tasted much worse."

"I consider myself to be a ""political atheist"" because I don't believe anything politicians say."

"Whats Harry Potter's favorite way of going down a hill? Walking... JK Rolling"

"My analyst says I anthropomorphize... but It's only a problem when I do it to people."

"I decided to stop buying CDs and MP3s and start buying only vintage records. And that's vinyl."

"What did Neil Armstrong say when he was offered another trip to the moon 'I'm over the moon'"

"[me trying to do magic] Is this your card? ""No"" Is THIS your card? ""Not even close"" What about THIS? ""Trent thats literally a piece of ham"""

"What does a cab driver have in common with a pool cue ball? The harder you hit them, the more english you get out."