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Joke of the Day

"A guy waved at me and ran over the other day... He said ""oh sorry I thought you were someone else!"" I said, ""I am"" -Demetri Martin"

"Me: do you like bad boys? Her: no Me: are you sure? Her: [covers her dog's ears] okay yes"

"Why did the dog scratch itself against the tree? Ruff Bark"

"The other day some guy came up to me, called me a Blockhead and then proceeded to hit me with his rhythm stick... I though ""That just adds insult to Ian Dury."""

"I can't stop watching myself on this Walgreens surveillance monitor. Crazy how the camera adds 40 pounds and a limp!"

"Just been told I've got the job as a mime ... I'm speechless."

"What did the woodworm say to the chair ? It's been nice gnawing you !"

"How many sycophants does it take to screw in a lightbulb? How many do you want?"

"what is a woman to cant give birth? bruce jenner"

"A guy walks into a bar... Ouch."