99839

Joke of the Day

"My one true love cooks for me, cleans for me, has never talked back, does what I tell her to do, I can have my way with her any time I want, and she ALWAYS satisfies me. But enough about my hand."

"My go-to office prank is to sneak onto someone's unattended Facebook page and post ""I'm undecided, which should I get, iPhone or Android?"""

"I went running today but came back after 5 minutes because I forgot something I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 5 minutes."

"I will give you reddit gold if you dont read this."

"Guys socialize by making fun of each other, but they don't mean it. Girls socialize by giving compliments to each other but they don't meant it either."

"How many times do I have to tell you this Mom? I have thousands of fans who need to know my thoughts. So, no I can't take out the garbage."

"How does a chef ask to leave the dinner table? He says, ""Gourmet I be excused?"""

"What's the point of going to somebodys funeral? It's not like they are coming to yours."

"Have you heard of Bill Cosby's new T.V. show? It's called, ""Women say the Dardest things."" He denies rape charges for thirty minutes."

"Apparently the world is run by a secret society of cheese makers. The hallouminati"