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Joke of the Day

"Guys socialize by making fun of each other, but they don't mean it. Girls socialize by giving compliments to each other but they don't meant it either."

"[I see a cute girl reading a novel] ""Hi there. I couldn't help but notice-"" *points at book* ""That you support the murder of trees."""

"Catching Criminals by Hans Upp"

"What is Dracula's favorite fruit? A nectarine."

"6yo: I can't wait to be an adult! Me: Adults don't get snow days. 6yo *faints*"

"Hostess:There's a 45 min wait Me:Do you know who I am? I have THOUSANDS of followers! H:Let me ask my manager *2 min later H:It'll be 43 min"

"What's the difference between a seamstress and a whale A seamstress cuts up frills and a whale fucks up krill's."

"Have you heard about the corporation that controls all the world's cheese? The hallouminatti."

"Porsche did 911"

"What do you call a man with a shovel stuck in his head? An ambulance because that is a serious medical emergency that requires immediate attention."