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Joke of the Day

"Having a bit of a lazy day... sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss doesn't look amused"

"why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness"

"My three sons are gonna hate me... once I name them Prescott, Scott, and Postscott"

"I hate how everybody is acting like they love this new pope so much and they're such big fans but probably can't even name 3 of his songs."

"Why did they not allow farmers in Greece? They got tired of all the minotaurs."

"lately my house has been a bit drafty... not because its' poorly insulated, but because my wife keeps bringing home marines..."

"I bought my kid some McDonald's today. He really doesn't like stocks though."

"Did you hear about that actress that murdered her husband? Reese...I can't remember her last name. She was in the Johnny Cash movie... *Witherspoon?!?* No...of course not! She used a knife!"

"My ex wife still misses me... But her aim is getting better!"

"What do you call a fancy toilet? A dapper crapper"