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Joke of the Day

"If life gives you melons... You have dyslexia"

"I go to the gym so infrequently that I still call it the James."

"What can't I find on the internet? My keys"

"The Canadian version of Breaking Bad is kind of lame. It ends after he gets cancer and his treatment is totally paid for by the government."

"What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog."

"If my next of kin takes a nap.. Can i call him Napkin?"

"I like my beer like I like my woman Without a fucking dick in it. Fuck you Amy, fuck you"

"How do you get a hotdog to dance? You put Mustard on the beat"

"Talking with your girlfriend is just like software installation EULA you just scroll down waiting for it to finish and agree without understanding what it says"

"I think I will have to go to the doctor soon. My father is a hypochondriac and I think it's hereditary. I'm starting to see the symptoms."