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Joke of the Day

"Stop pissing me off or I'll marry you"

"Last night I bought an alcoholic ginger beer, he wasn't happy about it."

"How do you separate the Greek men from the Greek boys? A crowbar."

"What do you call a cheap cicumsicion? A rip off"

"I grew up in a town made from wool It was a real close-knit community."

"Me: And what do you do if I tell you I'm having a heart attack? Siri: I clear your browser history. Me: That's right darling."

"[1st date] Me: I've got crabs [date leaves] [back home looking at my fish tank] ""It's all right guys, one day I'll find one who'll like you"""

"A doe walks out of a forest... and says ""Well I'll never do that for a buck again."""

"How can you tell if someone with parkinsons has hypothermia? You can't. That's what makes it so funny."

"Hi, Id like to buy a Nutri-Bullet, pls. Salesperson: Ah, nice. Off on a cleanse or health kick? Yes. *imagines drinking lasagna* For sure."