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Joke of the Day

"The red haired guy in the bakery doesn't like being called... 'The Ginger Bread Man' *lesson learned"

"Why can't an IT guy be a doctor? Nurse: Doctor, the patient's life support is acting strange. . . Doctor: Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

"[lookin in bushes for our baby] me: where the hell can he be? dog: roof roof roof me: will you shut up [baby waves at the dog from the roof]"

"Why do comedians always have such bad sleeps? Because they fall asleep funny!"

"Did you hear about the guy that ran into a window? He was in a lot of pane."

"If a girl asks if you think she's fat, say yes. She'll value your honesty. Day 47: I didn't even know we had a basement. Help. You can only regurgitate food and water for so long."

"My wife is like a treasure You'll need an accurate map and a fucking shovel to find her."

"What is brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre"

"Therapist: what's upsetting you? Wife: he's always using common phrases incorrectly Me: cry me a table, Linda"

"A guy came up to me at the gym and asked me what event I was training so hard for. Life, motherf*cker."