201213

Joke of the Day

"Therapist: what's upsetting you? Wife: he's always using common phrases incorrectly Me: cry me a table, Linda"

"What kind of bagel can fly? A plane bagel."

"I am sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I killed a cyclist !"

"I would walk over Lego's for you."

"How do you spot an attention whore on reddit? Edit: Wow, I did not expect this to get so many upvotes!"

"I just met a guy addicted to brake fluid. However, he was adamant that he could stop anytime."

"Why is there no gambling in Africa? Too many cheetahs"

"Two antennae had a wedding... It was alright, but the reception was amazing."

"Fun Date Idea: Find a balloon, forget about the date, you have a balloon now."

"If I got a dime for every time I didn't know what was going on, I'd be asking people why they're giving me dimes."