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Joke of the Day

"Did you know Lysol kills 99.9% of germs & my toothpaste has tartar control? You would too if you sat in my bathroom without your phone."

Next Joke
 
"A man tried to force his wife to take an aspirin when she got in bed with him. She began yelling and saying ""I don't have a headache!"" The man replied, ""Good, let's fuck."""
"Curling irons have a warning tag that says ""For External Use Only."" Which of you sick fucks made that necessary?"
"The scariest punchline to a long-running joke: ""Welcome to the Oval Office, President Trump!"""
"That awkward moment when you see someone that you've been texting all day and you have nothing to say because you already know everything."
"My parents tried to surprise me with a car this Christmas... Fortunately they missed."
"I gave up on building a house of cards. I couldn't stand it."
"My girlfriend and I watched the Star Wars movies back to back last night; I'm so glad I was the one facing the TV. (Huehuehue ... but seriously, she would just be on her damn phone haha)"
"What do you call a boat that won't float? Bloated."
"My friend told me Alan Rickman had passed away. I said ""You're joking?"".... ...She replied ""Nope. Dead Sirius."""